Tuesday, December 2, 2008

While walking the dogs....

I was walking my dogs early this morning when a fellow dog owner came out of his house with his dog. I have seen him before and I watched closely how he was treating this animal. He was not very kind to this dog and you could see the submission in this beautiful beast. I am not sure what kind of dog, but it is large, long-legged with a big head. When I have seen them before he is always shouting "NO, NO" at the poor thing. And this morning it was the same. My frustration comes with the knowledge that dogs, like people, do not always know what to do as an alternative to "No" or "Don't".

It reminded me of a motivational speaker I admire - Denis Waitley - and how he would say "You can't 'do' a 'don't." Meaning if someone tells you "don't do this..." you are very inclined to do that exact thing because it is what you focus on... For example - if you tell someone "Don't forget to....whatever it is" guess what? They are very likely to do exactly that "forget"... and not do "remember" which is what you really want.
In advising students and my advice to my kids I try very hard to focus on the positive or on the "do" versus the"don't" because you get better results...

Let's try what I mean... if you say "Don't spill that coffee" versus "Please hold on tight to that coffee cup", which do you think works better? Or when dealing with children, how about "Stay inside the playroom" versus "Don't go into the other room" The child knows what to do versus all of the options confronted him by what "not to do". How about "Don't you go near the street" versus "You can stay beside me on the sidewalk when we are walking" or "You can stay in the driveway while on your bike". By stating the behavior you want you also set up opportunites for praise.

Even as grown up I try to focus on the positive - something as simple as "Feel free to contact me" versus "Don't hesitate to call" send different messages and calls for different action.

SO going back to the poor dog...if the owner would just tell the dog to "sit", "stay" or "come" then the dog know what to do and is set up to be praised versus having him say "No" to anything the dog does... you end up with one frustrated owner and one confused and miserable dog...





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1 comment:

Unknown said...

I will share this with my family and friends.

Nice article, Carol.

Taft